Oh, I just know that I’m going to be upbraided for this post! I hope that even if readers feel that our family’s way of handling this situation isn’t right for them that they still realize one very important thing; I am not, repeat NOT saying that Christians are ‘better’ than non-Christians. I am also not saying that having non-Christian friends is bad, nor am I claiming that Christians make better friends, people, colleagues, employers or leaders than anyone else does.
Now that you’ve read what I’m not saying, here’s what I am saying.
We have agreed, as a family unit, that we will encourage our children to be friendly, open and inclusive with all other children, regardless of what faith (or lack thereof) the other practices. However, when it comes to close, personal, intimate friendships or, when the time arrives for choosing a life partner, we will adhere to 2 Corinthians verse 6 which states “do not be yoked together with unbelievers” as our ultimate goal, keeping in mind that rare exceptions occur to this rule.
Exceptions DO occur. All of my close friends are Christian, with one exception. And that exception is a dear and treasured part of my life, regardless of her lack of faith. Truly, we have a very close friendship, though there are areas of my life I don’t tend to share with her because they are a bit ‘too Christian’ for our regular conversations. Not that I couldn’t share them, or haven’t in the past, just that those areas are ones I usually discuss with other Christian women since I desire a Christian perspective. No doubt Samuel will have occasion to discover the joys of close, bonded friendship, and possibly it may happen with a non-Christian. And if it does, wonderful, but there are problems with it, as well, and I’m not blind to those problems.
1. Children are not born with a filter that keeps truth in and lets the rest out.
Children naturally believe you when you tell them something, and that can be a sign of a wonderful, trusting, open relationship. It can also spell disaster if you allow anything and everything to soak into them. Over time, and with age and experience, they slowly lose that naiveté and develop a ‘filter’ that allows them to sift through information presented to them, compare it to what they know to be true, and discard what doesn’t measure up. But for many years that filter doesn’t exist and we need to be careful what information our little ones come in contact with.
2. Children should be given information in an age appropriate manner.
If my ten year old son asks to talk to me about people who ‘hate God’, when his whole young life he’s been around people who love God, then I can speak to him about it rationally and kindly. But what can I say to a disillusioned three year old who has just been informed by his friend that God doesn’t exist? I could handle the situation, yes, but not as well as I could handle discussing the topic with a ten year old, who can understand much more advanced concepts.
3. ‘Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future’.
I heard this saying a few years ago and it has really stuck with me. The truth is the same for children and adults; who you hang out with influences your behavior, thoughts and choices. And this is especially true for children because of how impressionable they are.
4. What you spend your resources on becomes what is most important to you.
This applies to money and also time and talent. When you spend your resources of things that matter eternally, then those things become of utmost importance. Likewise when you spend your resources on things of worldly importance, then they become the important parts of your life. Friends, because of their strong influence, often help you make choices in regards to how you will spend your resources. How many little girls remember the ‘crazes’ that swept through grade school? First one girl started collecting sparkly stickers and suddenly everyone had a sticker album! We allowed ourselves to get swept away by a friend’s decision to follow a craze, and then that craze became our craze, too.
5. Acquaintances are always possible, but close friends are finite.
One can have dozens and dozens of friendly acquaintances, literally! Children you say hello to, or join in a jump rope game with, or share a class project or lunch treat with, but close friends are special people. You share a bit of yourself with them, secrets and dreams and wishes. You have sleepovers with them or invite them on your family vacation or have secret handshakes. These are people who you invest time in, and they should be special and rare commodities. They are not a dime a dozen. They should mean a lot to you, and if they mean a lot to you their faith should, too.
There are a myriad of other reasons, but the bottom line is this: When my child is a child he is my responsibility. To nurture, guide and, yes, to protect from the world. There is a lot of world out there, ready to disillusion and fight him every inch of his journey with God. And there will be a time when he is grown enough and learned enough and ready to step out and see everything that that world has to throw at him, but we are so eager to have our children grow up we are ready to open them up to everything when they are still needing that protection.
We will raise him to be a Godly man as much as we are able to, and if he chooses to follow Christ or not will ultimately be a personal decision, as it is for all of us. Part of that upbringing will be schooling in kindness, understanding and gentle words for all of God’s beloved children, whether they know they are or not. But to everything there is a season, and we will not rush the seasons.
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