Lenten decisions

So, Tuesday is Shrove Tuesday and as David says "I gotta get me some shroves!"  Actually he doesn't say that, but he does call everything related to that day a 'shrove' (as in pancakes are shroves, with shove syrup, etc.) and I feel justified in putting some shrovey words in his mouth.  It's okay, I'll be shriven soon enough.

I have been thinking about Shrove Tuesday because the day after that is Ash Wednesday...and the start of Lent.  My observance of the Lenten season has been a journey unto itself.  I remember the first time I decided to observe Lent I wanted to make a big sacrifice so I gave up my pillow.  I felt all martyr-y, but it didn't last.  I discovered I cannot sleep without a pillow and I brought it back to bed just days after I gave it up.  Besides, I had given something up for all the wrong reasons; I was looking to cause myself discomfort but never really considered why.

When my husband and I lived in Toronto I tried fasting every Friday of Lent.  It was hard, hard, hard.  And several times I found myself eating without even realizing I had picked up food!  It ended up being a 'daylight fast' and I let myself drink liquids all day, too, just to make it through.  Even so, it was very difficult but again, I felt at the end as though I had tried to sacrifice something without really understanding what I was doing.

Last year Lent fell during the end of my pregnancy and the beginning of parenthood.  I barely noticed it was happening I was so focused on reaching the birth of my first child.  And afterwards I was simply trying to hang on and make it through each awkward, crazy day.

This year, though, I have a little toddler, and no excuses.  I have been a Christian for about five years or so and it is high time I observe Lent properly, trying to incorporate some meaning into it for myself, and hopefully deriving knowledge and maybe even a little extra Christian maturity out of the season!

Naturally, with my planner's mind I launched into a big internal debate that I have every time I think of Lent.  It goes something like this: "Lent is a time for sacrifice and for we Christians to feel what that sacrifice is like.  I need to give something up!  Mind you, I keep hearing about people who actually adopt a new practice during Lent, turning a time for purging into a time of acquisition.  Should I try that this year?  What could I add to my day, though, what do I need to add?  Hippy nonsense.  Lent is for pain!  Or is it?"  And so on.  Trust me, the monologue doesn't get much more interesting than that.

So this year I'm not giving something up.  I'm also not add something.  I'm, well, I'm exploring something.  I looked at my spiritual life and wanted to see what I could accomplish in 40 days that would give me great rewards and fill in some gaps in my Christian education.  The answer I came up with was prayer; I don't have a very creative or even a very rigorous prayer life.  And although I certainly don't expect to be a champion pray-er, or to borrow a phrase I heard once, a 'prayer warrior', I could do a lot better than I do now.  So that's my goal, to improve my prayer life.

How am I going to do it is the question.

I have a couple of ideas, just a beginning list.  I'd love to try a prayer retreat, but of course that's impossible in this season of life so all of my plans have to be achievable.  I also need to keep in mind what I'm doing and why and not get, ahem, off on a wild goose chase doing crazy things rather than focusing on God.  Not that I'm prone to that or anything.  Not at all.

*cough*

So stay tuned.  This should be interesting.  If only to show everyone how not to 'do' Lent.