My opinion on extra-curricular activites.

When I was a child I got a chance to participate in all sorts of activities, despite my family being fairly poor.  I remember Scottish highland dancing lessons, Tai Kwon Do classes, Brownies and swimming badges, and I recall my sister getting to attend a class called, if I remember correctly, Tap And Jazz.  It was dance, I think.  In school I took flute and cello, sang in the choir, played in the orchestra, got to fundraise to go on a trip to the Arctic and work behind the scenes as a stage hand in several amateur plays.  I was an air cadet and a proud member of the peer mentors group, was a volunteer teacher's assistant for a grade nine English class, and started the library club.  I ran my best friend's campaign to be school council president and once I got to University the activities only increased.  I was a member of the chapel's alter guild, I was a costume manager for a play, I even have a very embarassing picture of myself in a horrid makeup job and a green polyester dress playing the part of a German couple's daughter in Night of The Iguana.  I would say that in terms of extra-curricular activities I certainly had my fair share.  I never felt 'deprived' as some people insist I would have had I not been offered a chance to literally explore any avenue my heart desired.

And while I don't disapprove of my activities, per se, (except for that lapse of judgement regarding the dress!) I think for the most part those things that I did were a complete waste of time.  They didn't then, nor have they ever, with the possible exception of the alter guild, helped me in my life.  I never learned a marketable skill, never became good enough to really enjoy any of those things as a hobby in my adulthood, never had the money or skills to become professional in anything, and while completely immersed in those things, I lost the opportunities I might have had to improve on aspects of my schooling or out-of-school life that might have helped me later on.

Which is one reason why when it comes time to handle the extra-curricular season of Samuel's life, I will be firmly on the side of 'no'.  No, you may not take soccer and baseball and art classes right now.  No, you may not go to riding camp and take a short term missions trip to New York city and sell candy bars for Scouts.  No, you may not participate in the wide variety of random events that pepper children's lives these days.  Do I sound cruel to you?  I bet I do, but let me explain.

How likely is it that I will live with my son for several years, up to the age when children often start participating in activities, and not know what he's good at and where his talents lie?  I think it's unlikely, frankly, I think most parents would tell you more than you would ever care to know about their daughter's amazing math skills or their son's remarkable talent in art.  I'm sure that when Samuel is old enough to have manifested an interest in something, he will also be old enough to show whether he would have any aptitude for it.  For example, I'm 5'4", my husband is 5'7" and the chances of Samuel being tall enough to be a basketball player of any renown are very slim.  If he has no chance of ever making basketball into something that figures very strongly in his life, then why do it?  Why, if God has not intended for him to be a basketball player, would I spend hours and hours bringing him to games and possibly hundreds or even thousands of dollars on equipment and gas and so forth, all for him to...

what?  Have fun?  If you love basketball can you not have fun on the neighbourhood court with your friends?  If you love basketball but can't play professionally then wouldn't your time be better spent figuring out how you could immerse yourself in that field for life?  Maybe learn how to write sports columns or take voice lessons to be an announcer or learn how to coach?

Well, I'll tell you that from what I've come to understand, our culture seems to think that it is your duty as a parent to provide your children, regardless of the cost of time and money to your family or the futility of the exercise, with the opportunity to explore each and every desire they have.  And if you don't, if you have rules or guidelines, then you are stifling them.

So we won't be enrolling him in activities that he isn't good at, and we won't be enrolling him in lots of activities at all.  That being said, I have every intention of allowing Samuel to participate in things, in case you're wondering.  He'll take swimming lessons when he's old enough because I believe in them from a safety perspective, and I'd like him to take a musical instrument, but not several of them.  We'll wait and see what seems to fit his personality as he grows - I can't tell if he's a violinist or a drummer until he's a bit older!

But here's the second punchline, if he starts something, and he is good at it and it is an activity that has a point to it, then he will see it through to the end.  It's such a regret of mine that I made it to within a few swimming badges of becoming a lifeguard, and then I quit.  If I hadn't quit I would have been able to use my qualifications to pay for school, work flexible hours and have a sense of accomplishment, instead I made burgers and wore a nametag.  Were my parents kinder in letting me quit when the going got tough and instead allow me to take a job flipping burgers?  Some people might say yes, but I say no.  Likewise with the cello, which I loved but was too lazy to ever get really good at.  When Samuel starts music lessons it will be with the intention of him getting good enough to enjoy his music.  Perhaps to use it as a source of income for the future.  He will not be dawdling around arguing with me about practicing the piano.

I believe that there is a lot of value in teaching your children outside of the regular curriculum.  I want Samuel to be able to access a wonderful world of possibilities and discover how far he can go in his life.  I don't want him to get mired down in pointless activities or distracted by shiny objects. And I don't want him to learn that if you decide you don't like it anymore, you can quit anytime.  I don't want him to think that just because he feels like trying a new class means that it's his father and my duty to shell out the money for him to learn pottery or play hockey with his friends...otherwise he's neglected.  And perhaps most importantly I really don't want him to waste his life.   I don't want him to convince himself that he has a lucrative future in Karate and take years and years to get a black belt only to relegate it to the back of his life when he realizes that a) having a black belt is not enough to make a living and b) that all of that hard work and money was essentially wasted, except for having given him a nice hobby for several years.  I want his extra-curricular activites to add to the quality of his life, not take away from it by fracturing his attention in too many directions.  I want him to get good enough at the things he does do to use them as either a source of income or enjoyment.  I want the best for my son.  Happiness doesn't always come from getting everything you want.