A million apologies for such a long and un-called for break from this space. If it helps, I have thought of a whole lot of posts that I should be writing, including that one on cleaners which I WILL get to, because it needs to be written. But we have been busy busy around here.
Our weekend was lovely. Just lovely. The cabin was a little rustic for me, a city girl residing in the country, but it was just nice to get away and walk the beaches and such before the cool weather really hit with a vengeance. It has been chilly the last week or so, enough to make me start musing on Christmas presents, and to take advantage of the cool weather to get some chores done that would have been icky in the heat.
Then we all got sick, Samuel with strep throat and me with my traditional chest infection, which I like to dust off and bring out for kicks around this time every year, because I'm festive like that. We cloistered ourselves for several days and have recently reappeared, pale and awkwardly clothed, to resume some semblance of normalcy.
And I have not forgotten part 2 - which I think is very much needed. There may have to be a domestic vocation pt. 3 at this rate, but I really need to discuss the practical concerns that I've had about this idea. May I confess something? I have difficulty taking myself seriously sometimes, and that carries over into having a bit of trouble taking my tasks in life seriously, which is a slippery slope. I tend to ask myself 'is this really worth the trouble?' a lot during the course of the day. Or I make committments and then have problems keeping them for, what seem at the time, perfectly acceptable reasons. But as I explore the idea of domesticity as vocation I've been brought up short with the idea that not only are my tasks going to have to change, and my feelings about those tasks, but my attitude towards life and how I present myself will have to undergo some transformation as well. Let me explain, if I can.
Yesterday I spoke to a friend, C, and we agreed that today we would meet and knit for a while, around 2 o'clock, I said. I said this on the spur of the moment, without really thinking of what I had to do today or what my husband's schedule was or how the babe and I might be feeling. I went into the arrangement already assuming I could cancel if things changed on my end. I had an attitude of resignation before the opportunity even came around since my immediate response to any nagging doubt as to whether I could keep my word was "Oh well, if it turns out I can't make it I'll just call and cancel". Sure enough I found myself scrambling today at around 1:30, unable to get the baby out the door, find the knitting I wanted to work on, get dressed for the chill and find my keys to get where I needed to go. I was late, of course. And in rushing I thought what I always think at these times "Why didn't I PLAN for this better?" Why didn't I? I didn't because, although I know how hectic it is to get a sick child out the door, and I know how picky I am about what I knit in public (because I don't want to give away gifts or anything) and I know how long it takes me to get my wallet and keys and check that the stove is off and so forth, making certain that I plan my time is not a priority. It isn't, and it should be. I cannot expect to be able to feed and clothe a family of three, keep a house clean, care for two cats, shop for food, run errands, pay bills, etc. etc. and NOT make scheduling a serious priority. And for that, I need to understand my limitations and plan for them. Let's say I was a doctor, and I worked from 9 until 5, with a one hour lunch break. That gives me seven working hours a day. That means I can see 7 patients for one hour each, or 14 patients for 30 minutes each or 28 patients for 15 minutes each. I cannot, no matter how I juggle, see 38 patients for 15 minutes each. If I book 38 patients I either have to come early, stay late, or skip some of my patients. Or I have to give each patient less time. Now maybe not every patient needs 15 minutes, but maybe some of the one I thought I could see in 15 minutes actually need 20 minutes to really help. Do I do a half-done job? Do I skip some people who really need to be seen, because I've over-booked myself? Well, if I'm a good doctor, I only book 28 patients if I only have time for 28 patients. Why, then, as a housewife, do I expect that I can clean the kitchen, the bathroom, do the laundry, finish the dishes, meet my friend at 2 to knit, play with my son, etc. etc., if, in fact, I only have time to do one of those things, or sometimes none at all.
It's an attitude adjustment, this sort of scheduling. And I think it is also a habit that will get easier as I attempt to cultivate it. I'm not certain exactly how to do this, but I think I may try and take a business perspective on the whole thing, since running a home is as important as any outside work, and use a desk calendar or some sort of time management program on my computer. We'll have to see what seems best. What is obvious is that I need to take myself seriously in this way. I need to look with honest eyes and say "Okay, I have seven hours until I will stop working, now what can I do in seven hours." That brings me to another point:
Starting and Stopping. When to start, when to stop. My day, to be a bit more regulated, needs to have a clear starting point, and an equally clear ending point. I shouldn't be sleeping till different times every day any more than I should be washing dishes at midnight. This isn't to say that this is going to be an easy task! The baby wakes up when he wakes up and there is very little I can do about it. He could wake at 6:30, or he could wake at 8:00, and that's that. I do have some say as to when I get out of bed, though. I could say, for example, that if the baby wakes up and won't go back to sleep then I get up, which I do anyway, but that if he does goes back to sleep, I will still get out of bed at, say, 7:30, even if he's still sleeping. My day might start earlier than 7:30, but it will certainly start BY 7:30, and that will make planning a little easier. Bedtime is a little easier to plan. The baby is in bed and asleep, with the exception of the last week because of illness, by 8:30 at the very latest. I could, if I planned it, set myself a bedtime of, say, 10:00. That gives me an hour and a half to get relax without children around.
This sort of planning, giving a very linear aspect to my day, is a great starting ground in being not only more productive, but adding an element of certainty during a period of life that is inherantly uncertain. I sometimes think that young mothers feel adrift, especially if we are at home with our children, because they are often too young to be helpful around the house or to entertain themselves for any length of time, and yet we know we should be doing things with them, but we can't think what, exactly, and we spend our days floundering from one half-finished chore to the next, constantly interrupted by the needs of others, feeling frustrated and knowing that that frustration is wrong. Stability and scheduling can help that by offering a framework to move within. Yes, things might not be 'done' when my alloted time for them is, but when the clock strikes a certain time, that's that. Pencils down, as a proctor says.
I tried this today for the first time. I've finally begun the work of painting Samuel's room (pictures to come, aren't you excited!) and I told myself 'I will paint one wall." I taped it off, moved the furniture, lay the drop cloths and started. I was interrupted to nurse once, but then he was off to sleep again and I went back. I really got into it and after maybe an hour the one wall was nicely done and I really wanted to keep going, but I forced myself to stop. I had said one wall, and I meant one wall. I packed up the paintbrushes and cleaned up, closing the door behind me until tomorrow. Once I thought about it I realized how hungry I was and that it was really time to start supper. If I had kept going, working through the hunger or perhaps stopping for some crackers or something, I would have tired myself out, started making mistakes, stopped enjoying the process of making my son a lovely room and eventually quit. It would have been too much on my plate. Once I started making supper I felt great and wasn't too tired for the rest of the night.
It all comes down to taking yourself seriously. Your time is a precious commodity and worth handing out in measured doses. Yes, projects around the house are important, but they need to be kept in their place and by examining each of them in terms of time and effort you can keep things streamlined and avoid the frantic rush. I treasure my family and want to learn to treasure my home more, so surely cramming things helter skelter into whatever minutes I can doesn't help?
Wow, I only managed to deal with one of the practical issues I'd hoped to cover. There will, indeed, have to be a part 3.
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