November 5th

I often feel super guilty about not 'entertaining' Samuel.  I recognize that I'm his main playmate, but honestly I feel so climbed on and over extended some days I just want him to leave me alone.  And then I feel guilty.  Take today, for example.  Samuel has had two walks today.  A friend's older child came over for half an hour and played with him.  Grandma and Grandpa read to him.  I let him 'help' me make pancakes and David and Grandpa let him 'help' outside with the car.  He went out to a restaurant for lunch, had a two hour nap and played tag with me in the basement.  Despite all of this interaction (and that's just what I can remember) I just told him to go somewhere and DO SOMETHING that didn't involve me or the television being on.  And then I feel guilty because I think I should be magically producing an interesting activity for him at any time that he's bored.  Except even typing those words makes me sound like a real patsy.

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I'm trying to cut myself a little slack in terms of how long it's taking to set up and fit into this house.  I want the cats to stop crying already.  I want Samuel to stop freaking out about sleeping in his own room.  I want the two bookcases lying on their sides in my livingroom to just get moved out.  I want my phone to work again and my curtains up and to figure out where the heck I packed every coathanger I own so I can stop getting dressed out of a giant pile of stuff on the floor.

But I can't do these things because these are things that require time.  And despite all evidence to the contrary, I have very little of the sort of time needed for this kind of activity.  I need Clara asleep, because if she's awake she's a ticking time bomb of neediness.  I need Samuel asleep, preferably, or quietly occupied which, haha, almost never happens.  And for many of these things I need David home, and not sleeping, and me not exhausted, and it to be daylight out, and no guests, and a concrete plan in place.

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Clara tried a few new foods today.  So far she's had cauliflower - hated it.  Pumpkin - disliked it but dealt.  Applesauce with cinnamon and vanilla bean - adored it.  Banana - adored it.  Chicken and turkey - both of which she was ambivalent about.  Mashed potato - adored it.  Spinach - meh.  This is pretty much in keeping with Samuel's likes and dislikes.  Everyone is a fan of fruit.

She had a bath in the sink tonight as well, which was incredibly cute.  I don't know why I ever bothered with baby bathtubs for Samuel at the beginning.  All it gave me was a crick in the back.  The sink is the way to go.

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After supper tonight I dragged Samuel out for a walk.  He was worried because it was dark out, and he said he was afraid of the dark.  I have never heard this before; I don't know where it came from.  But anyway, I told him he didn't have to be afraid because I was with him, and Jesus was with him.  He wanted to know where Jesus was.  "He's in your heart."  He thought about that for a moment and then said "Yeah.  He's in my heart.  He can't get out."  I think I may have messed him up theologically.

Last night I finally caved a bit to David's increasingly insistant demands that I *do something* with Samuel's hair.  I've been letting it grow, because I think that his hair is beautiful and soft and golden and charming, and also because that floppity-hair look on little boys is adorable.  And also because I'm a bit lazy.  But two days ago I took pity on Samuel and trimmed some especially long hair that has been hanging in his eyes, and last night after his bath I brushed his hair, realized it was now past his shoulders, and took a few inches off the back with my sewing scissors.  I think he may look even cuter, if that's possible.  And now David can stop going on about that.

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My inlaws are leaving tomorrow.  Whenever they come over they take on the task of doing all the dishes, and can I just say that I love. that.  Because dishes are my least favourite job ever.  But it will be nice to try and get stuff organized in my bedroom again.