On the other hand, three years is a really long time. You can get a university degree in three years. You can also, apparently, become the mother of two children and still be learning the basics of parenting.
Today I was thinking about everything I've learned since having Clara five weeks ago, and the list was pretty pitiful, as in it will help no one, really. Still, for my own sake, here are the top 5 blatently obvious things I've learned about children.
1. Babies are little.
They're really little. Even if they're big babies, they're still really little. If you keep reminding yourself of this fact every time you interact with them their behaviour makes a lot more sense. When they do that 'arms flailing' thing? That's because they think they're falling. Because they're little. When they poop in a clean diaper? That's because they're little and they don't know any better. When they want to nurse for hours or refuse to let you leave the room or want to follow you to the bathroom or gag on a cheerio? It's all because they're little.
2. Feeding them helps.
I have developed a very sophisticated rotating series of trial and error actions intended to calm all crying. It's quite elaborate, so try and keep up, ok? Number 1: Try food. Number 2: Try changing. Number 3: Try burping. Repeat. Literally, when Samuel cried I would feed him, and if that didn't work I changed him, and then burbed him. If he was still crying I fed him again. I just kept going until he fell asleep.
3. Children will tell you things if you ask them.
This was a revelation to me! Sometimes, when Sam is upset, and I say "Hey friend, why are you crying?" get this...he'll tell me why he's crying! I know, right? Crazy. No guesswork involved. But with Clara I have discovered something even more fascinating. She will also tell me why she's crying without using words. Tongue sticking out and head rotating means feed me. Arms flailing and legs kicking means swaddle me. Eyes fixated on me means talk to me. It's nuts is what it is.
4. Things that bother me also probably bother them.
I don't like coughing when I'm sick. Neither do they. I don't like having an upset stomach. Neither do they. I don't like being hot or cold or hungry or tired. Neither do they. And whatever I would usually do to fix the things I don't like are the same things I should think of as solutions to their problems. So, if Samuel says his head hurts, and if my head hurt I would take a Tylenol and lie down in a dark room with some ginger ale, then it's not fair to say "Just close your eyes, buddy." or get on my high horse about not giving him a dose of Tylenol unless he 'really needs it'. If he's in pain, he needs it.
5. They're not going to stop making toys and clothes.
These items are not going to disappear off the face of the earth tomorrow. So it's ok to get rid of them once I don't need them anymore. Really.
Maybe by baby #3 I'll be an old pro...
1 comment:
Yes. I am so grateful that the twins weren't my first, because now I can read signals like Feed Me and I''m Bored, and know that they're not trying to make me nuts when they cry for ages. I know that if they're fed, warm, loved, and changed, they're FINE (unless they're doing the screaming thing that means in pain or sick). I didn't know any of these things with my first.
When the girls were in the NICU I was reassuring a new mother whose baby was due to go home in a couple of days, and she wasn't sure she could handle it. They're simple but hard, I said. They want food, cuddling, sleep, clean diapers. Just keep trying things, and she'll be fine. Also get takeout if you can.
I do think the four year old and two year old deliberately try to make me nuts, though. Wait, I don't think it- I KNOW it. Usually an attention-getting device. I hate sneaky child attention-getting behaviour.
I'm sure they'll all be lovely people if I let them live to grow up.
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