I love a good birth story! I want to hear all the gory details and the ins and outs as minutely as you are willing to tell me.
"And then the doctor said THAT? No!"
And so it was with no little anticipation that I went to playgroup with Samuel today expecting to see my friend R, who had just had her little baby. She promised the full story that would fill in the bookends between the last time I'd heard from her, Thursday, with an excited "My water just broke!" to her Facebook status several days later of "home from the hospital".
As most mamas are, she was happy to let me cuddle her adorable new son and tell me all I wanted to know about her dilation at different times, medicines, procedures, etc. But this time, although I greatly enjoyed her story and would be happy to listen to dozens more, I felt myself getting a little nervous and I realized that I was listening to her with an ear to her responses for the medical staff who she encountered.
I think that that might end up being one of the most nerve-wracking parts of this birth. Because if I can manage to speak gently but forcefully, keep calm but focused and somehow avoid the multiple interventions that are going to be forced on me, I may just be able to birth naturally. The staff are ultimately what's going to determine how I feel.
Maybe I need to put myself on a strict 'no birth stories for the next few weeks' diet.
2 comments:
Hi Amy,
I know you are worried about medical interventions and I am praying that it will be God's plan for you to have a birth experience that heals some of the trauma you experienced last time.
But I also wanted you to remember that if this baby isn't meant to come naturally that doesn't mean you will have "failed". I too wanted a natural birth for my first child (actually wanted a home birth). I too had a c-section. I was lucky because in my case it was very clear at every step of the way that it was medically necessary, so it was easier for me to accept the interventions (not at the time though!)
I do get not wanting to feel railroaded or bullied into a cascade of interventions, but sometimes interventions are necessary in order for baby to survive. If that happens, it won't be because you failed (to assert yourself or whatever).
Mary,
Thank you for the 'good vibes'! I wish I could go with the flow a bit more, but honestly the problem is bigger than whether I'm going to feel bad if I don't accomplish a VBAC. My first birth was horrible, and yes, I'm still carrying around some open wounds about it, which I do think will heal if I succeed a second time, but beyond that I also KNOW why the birth happened the way it did. It happened because I allowed the interventions to start, and that's ultimately why I need to be in better control this time. If I thought for a minute that the baby had to be born via c-section, I would be dissapointed, of course, but absolutely willing, but my body has proven itself. I can birth, I just wasn't given the chance to.
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