The in-laws are coming! The in-laws are coming!

There are little piles of unfolded laundry nesting around my house.  I don't know where they're coming from.  Seriously.  Small stacks of towels on the counter, folded dresses beside the bathtub, a whole bag of unmatched socks in the bag behind the stroller.  The strangeness is really only equalled by the fact that I am forever washing bottles and sippy cups and yet where are they?  I know I own them, I see him wander around with them, but are they in the cupboard?  No. Are they in the sink to be washed?  No.  Are they in his diaper bag, crib or carseat?  No.

And while we're on this topic why is it that we each wear one outfit per day and the laundry basket is always full?  What are these clothes I'm washing every day?  Why is it that we have two towels in the bathroom, and they always seem to be the same two towels, and there are other towels in the basket and I don't remember those towels?  No one used them, did they?  Has my husband begun sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to secretly shower?  Is he also the one hiding the sheets?  I own matching queen sized sheets but when I go to make the bed I can only find either the top or the bottom sheet.  Where is that other sheet?  Where can it be going?

How is it that a pile, a pile no less, of newspapers has appeared on one of our dressers?  We don't subscribe to a newspaper.  No one gives us these that I'm aware of.  We just have them.  And if I throw them out more appear.  And yet, oddly enough, if I leave them alone the stack doesn't grow.  It's as though they just need to exist to a certain level.

Stacking plastic bath cups.  Does anyone else want to throw the person who invented stacking plastic bath cups into a cold lake?  Because stacking plastic bath cups do not stay in neat stacks beside the bath, oh no.  They are taken from the bathroom and scattered like a flower girl's rose petals across the entire house.  Flung!  With glee!  Be free, little stacking cups, be free.  Nestle up under the sofa and be quiet and I won't find you.

I remember the days when defrosting a chicken meant taking it out of the freezer and putting it in the sink until you got home from work.  Now apparently we have all grown too precious for that and need to coddle it into a feeling of warmth by acclimatizing it to it's heated demise in the refridgerator.  NEVER the counter, where salmonella waits to infect and kill your entire family.  No, now we need to plan our meals seven days in advance.  "Are we having pork at all two weeks from Thursday because I should take it out of the deep freeze and leave it in the fridge to thaw."  Leave it in the fridge to thaw.  Psshhaw.  Frozen food does not thaw in a cold fridge.  It just gets a bit less frozen and maybe after several days starts to crisp up from the air.