Television and children

I attended a very interesting lecture last night, the first in a series of five being put on by the New Brunswick Christian Action Federation, on the role of media in our lives, how it influences us, encourages us and guides our thoughts and decisions.  I went to the lecture mainly because this is something that David and I have been thinking about with regards to Samuel.

We don't watch a LOT of TV, but we have a TV, and we do enjoy some shows.  I can't miss 19 Kids And Counting on Mondays, and I'll flip through the channels if I'm home watching the baby.  David has 'his' shows as well, and we put on stuff for Samuel, like Jay Jay's Jam, which profiles young people playing different musical instruments from around the world, when he seems interested in sitting still.

And of course, we watch movies and taped shows quite a bit.  And I listen to a digital Christian music station on TV.  So the box in our livingroom gets a workout, though probably not as extensive as in some houses.  When we started to discuss its role in our lives, we realized that watching TV went beyond just turning it on when we knew that a show was coming on that we wanted to see.  In fact we discovered to our surprise that we enjoy watching TV.  Living in such a small, isolated place we have very few entertainment options, and TV has taken the place of movies and outings to commercial entertainment areas.  When I lived in a big city I could go walking through ethnic neighbourhoods, touching the silks in Little India and smelling the spices in Chinatown; but here we have...Walmart.  We still go for walks, but there is no longer a destination or a 'wandering' sort of place to go to.  We walk to the store, buy what we need, walk back.  Or else we walk up the hill, around by the creek, and down the road back home.  Add to that Samuel couldn't stand being in his stroller until quite recently and so I would have to carry him,, and you can see why we stayed in a lot.  And if we're in, chances are the TV is on, even if it's just to the music station.

And once we realized this we knew we had to start thinking about what was on TV.  I stopped watching Glee, for example, and the occasional time that I turned on The Housewives of New York dropped to, um, zero.  (I still haven't gotten out of the habit of watching Off The Map, though, I'm hooked on it.)  We don't have any hard and fast rules, more of an awareness.  One thing we did agree on fairly quickly was our need to have a separate screen (be it a TV or computer hook-up) that will be specifically for the children.  It will not be hooked up to cable, or the internet, rather it will be used to watch pre-taped shows or videos.  In all likelihood David and I will have another screen somewhere in the house, probably in our room, that will have internet access so we can livestream shows or watch films not suitable for little eyes.  At the moment this isn't the set-up, mostly because Samuel barely acknowledges that we have a TV anyway and also because the time I watch television is when I'm taking care of the baby, and he tends to be in the livingroom.

Something that truly helped me was giving myself the option of NOT wanting to watch anything I saw.  Sometimes I would scroll through the channels, not find anything that piqued my interest, and settle on something to watch from the options available, rather than finding nothing and then turning the TV off or to a music station.  Now I look to see what's on and when something is coming on later that I might be interested in, and I turn off the box.  I knit or sew and play blocks with Sam, or I clean or what have you until the show comes on that I'm expecting, and then I sit down and turn the TV back on to watch it.  Giving myself the option to not watch television if I'm not interested instead of feeling like I need to find something to watch has been a great step for me.  The other thing I've found helped is taping shows, or using on demand TV and then fast-forwarding through the commercials when you watch them.  Not only does this cut almost a third of the time off of watching a show but it rids you of all of the temptations in commercials.  No cravings for sweets after you see an ice cream commercial, or desire to see that new reality show, because you don't even know about it!

I don't think that television is wrong.  Just like I don't believe going to the movies is wrong.  But certainly the majority of movies and the majority of cable shows are inappropriate, so that leaves us, as Christians, with a few options.

1)  We can follow in the steps of families that have banished TV from their homes for good. 

I don't know how you would do this in a family.  Even the families I know who don't have cable, or don't watch cable, still watch films on TV or substitute TV with extended internet usage.  If you felt very strongly that this was the way for you it would probably work best in one of the following scenarios.

A) You live a lifestyle, or in an area, that offers a lot of non-TV options.  Museums, hiking trails, you name it.  Or, say, you homeschool and that keeps you really busy and TV isn't an issue.

B)  You have more than one child so they entertain each other and don't need television.

C) You get your own socialization from outside sources, like Mom's Groups or Bible studies, and you don't feel the need to 'keep yourself company' with the TV.

D)  Your children are old enough to have entertainment with you, like playing a board game, and so none of you are anxious for anything else.

2)  We can keep the TV, but closely monitor access.

See, this looks great in theory, but how do you keep it up?  What if Daddy wants to watch the news and a child comes and sits on his lap and sees or hears things you wouldn't want them to.  Then what?  Should Daddy not watch the news?  I think this option would work if:

A)  The family decides on specific times the TV will be turned on, such as a hour before supper so Mommy has time to prepare food, or Sunday morning for cartoons.  All other times the TV is kept off.

B)  A list is made of must-see shows and that list is kept somewhere for all to see.  The TV is turned on for those shows and then turned off at the end.

C)  The TV can be watched after chores are done or whenever your family deems acceptable, BUT only when there is accountability, so no watching TV alone or when Mommy or Daddy don't know you have it on.

D)  Certain channels are 'locked' and children are only able to watch approved channels.

3)  There is relative 'TV Freedom' but with a few caveats.

A)  You can watch whatever you like, whenever you like, as long as it's on, say, TVO Kids channel.

B)  You can watch whatever you like, whenever you like, as long as it's on the family movie shelf in the livingroom.

C)  You can watch whatever you like, whenever you like, but only as a 'treat' at Grandma's house, or on Christmas morning, for example.

I'm sure there must be more options; these were just the ones that came to me off the top of my head.  Obviously every option carries with it a few problems.  If you restrict television but live 'in the world' (sorry, I can't think of another phrase) sending your children to public schools and not enforcing firm standards in other areas of their lives, say, clothing for example, then you risk a confrontation.  And rightly so, I imagine.  If I was a 12 year old girl and was allowed to be an average 12 year old, with pop culture music and Hannah Montana clothing and whatever, but then I was expected to just accept that I wasn't ever allowed to watch television when my friends clearly were, then I think I would be confused.  I wouldn't understand; why could I do so many other things that my friends could, but not this?

Likewise, if I was allowed freedom to watch whatever I pleased when I was away from home or at 'special' times, then I would wonder what was keeping me from being able to watch what I pleased anytime. 

Ultimately, that might be the basis of our decisions regarding media.  What role do we want television and movies and video games to play in our children's lives?  Are these things going to be permitted on a reward system, which naturally implies that they are good and worthy of striving for?  Are they going to be primarily a 'babysitting' device when I need a few minutes on my own?  Is this entertainment or education?

Certainly we haven't come up with the answers yet as to how we're going to handle the call of media in our family.  I mean, right now David and Samuel are sitting in the livingroom singing loudly to Elmo's World!  But we're thinking about it, and I would encourage you to as well, if you haven't already.  It is not only our priviledge and pleasure to raise our children, but our God-given responsibility.  I may not be Samuel's favourite Mama every day of his life, but I don't answer to him, I answer to the Lord.