This Valentine's Day will be different for me than any other Valentine's Day before. Tomorrow I will wake up and have a cup of tea. I'll shuffle around groggily and get David to hold Samuel while I have a shower and eat something. I'll take my vitamins, I'll get the baby dressed and the morning will go pretty much as normal until about 10:45, when I'll hand my son over to his Daddy, put on my coat and my shoes, nervously fiddle with my hair a bit, and walk out the door. Despite my very best intentions to never say these words again, I will be starting a new job.
I keep writing thoughts of self-pity down again and again and then erasing them; watching them zip away under my cursor, because the truth is this: I prayed that God would give me a clear direction after my maternity time ran out. This is what He found. I am grateful.
I'm grateful every moment that I will help to support this little family. I'm grateful that He came through for us once again. I am grateful for grocery money and rent and all the little things we need. I am so very grateful that this job ends at 2pm every day and David starts work at 3pm in the afternoon so we never need to leave our little doodle with a sitter. I am grateful that because of the reduced hours I can probably still manage the house alright. I can probably last without having to pump a bottle. I don't have to learn anything incredibly stressful. It's close. I can walk there. It's flexible.
Yes, I'd be fooling myself if I said I wasn't a little bit sad. I had hoped that this stage of my life was over and I could now focus on being solely a wife and mother, at home all of the time. But I'm trying to remember that God has a plan for this part of my life, too. I am still that wife and I am still that mother, now I'm just something else as well.
Think of it as a weekday pulpit.
And pray for me, please.
2 comments:
I'm praying for you Amy. Though it is not your ideal, I know you will fall into a routine that works for all of you and you will know God's presence and support. God bless you all!
I fought really hard about going back to work but once I took time to pray about it, my job I have now fell into place and it was divine intervention. The weekend before I started I cried off and on every day. The first month back was hard but after a while I realized I kind of enjoy it. At home I'm a wife and a mother. At work I am still those things BUT I get to be ME again. I get to make friends and let my personality shine.
It's a tough decision to make but I hope you find the job rewarding. I'll be praying for you!
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