It should come as no surprise that I'm a bit of a control freak and a worrier combined, which isn't a great duo. As a result I have a lot of problems relating to people socially or communicating with them face to face in a 'good' (read - not blunt or joking) way. So I give you my list of how a socially inept introvert can pass as a normal gal in a crowd!
Seven Social Skills It Pays To Learn
1. When that little voice inside your head says not to say something, no matter how much you want to say it or think it's the right time to say it, don't say it.
Repeat: Don't. Say. It. This one rule alone would, I think, solve half of the world's communication issues right there. Think your husband is dressed like a clown and want to mention it to him but have a niggling suspicion that he wouldn't appreciate it? Don't say it. It doesn't matter that he's on his way to work or a funeral or whatever. Don't say it. Regardless of the fact that he has lots of shirts that don't sport a Hawaiian pattern on them. Don't say it. Don't say it with your words, with your eyes, with your behaviour or with any other passive aggressive method. Don't say it.
2. Very rarely is confrontation necessary immediately.
I can't tell you how many times this could diffuse a situation. There are so few occasions where, if a behaviour or action isn't immediately addressed then dire consequences will occur. But I can think of lots of times when if everyone stepped back for a bit and then addressed the concern everything would become significantly easier to handle.
3. Even if you aren't emotionally involved in a behaviour, don't assume the same is true for everyone.
I have had arguements with my husband where I only discovered 30 minutes or five hours or two days into it that we were arguing about where I put the mayonnaise. I just had not understood. Surely no one could be that angry about mayonnaise? What I hadn't figured out was that someone else's emotions have nothing to do with whether I agree with them or not - all I can do is validate them and address them.
4. It is important to learn how to present a pleasant face to the world whether you feel like it or not.
You can survive as a miserable old coot, but you can't thrive that way. Therefore you must smile at people when they smile at you. You must observe social protocol and say hello to people you know on the street. You must say please and thank you to store clerks and bank tellers. Always. Without exception. Even in extreme circumstances. If you are incapable of being pleasant you have to at the very least not be actively unpleasant. It doesn't matter if you are in labour or under stress or on your way to a funeral or what have you - you don't have to be 'nice' or 'friendly' but you must be polite. Always.
5. If it looked bad when someone else did it, then it looks bad if you do it, too.
You know that mom screaming at her child in the grocery store? The one you avoid and tsk at under your breath? Yeah, when you did that in the parking lot the other day you looked exactly the same way. Don't tell me the circumstances were different or whatever. When you see the behaviour modeled by someone else, whatever you're feeling, that's what people feel about you when they see you do it.
6. Keep wise counsel on hand.
It pays to talk though your concerns with others before voicing them. So many people have talked me down from an angry high or helped me to form the right words when I needed to speak to someone about something. It is invaluable to keep a group of Godly counsellors on hand to run things by. Just be careful of who you consult.
7. Accept that some things are not your responsibility.
It isn't your place to take on the cares of the world. If the girl next door is dating a different guy each week, it may not be your place to mention it. Maybe it is, but maybe it isn't. If you don't know whether you should mention something or try to fix something, ask yourself if you want to do this thing for glory and pride on yourself or the other person. Often what we perceive as our 'duty' is really just our pride.
1 comment:
One word... awesome ;)
Post a Comment